Or, things I learned during 72 hours of airport epiphanies, hotel shenanigans, awkward conversations, class collisions—oh, and one wedding.
· There are Chicken Dance weddings and non-Chicken Dance weddings.
· Big Boy restaurants still exist.
· There are still people who use ‘gay’ as a hilarious pejorative. As in: “You drink wine instead of beer? What are you, gay?”
· Never take a 6 a.m. flight.
· People outside New York City wear running shoes all the time. And sweatshirts with the names of colleges or sports teams on them. And grown men wear baseball caps in restaurants.
· New Yorkers outside of New York always look overdressed. Which is fine with me.
· Michigan is flat as a pancake and no one puts fences around their yards.
· It’s possible to pay $9 for one beer at an airport bar.
· Having cable television in a hotel is only exciting for five minutes. Then you realize you have no interest in cheesy Sci-Fi Channel movies or a reality show about Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends.
· People in the Midwest are really into hockey.
· Always bring a flask to a wedding.
· If you are the only single person amid a crowd of married wedding guests, pretend to be married so you can participate in the maddeningly recurring conversation of how this wedding compares to theirs.
· If you order a Grey Goose martini at a Detroit airport bar, they will give it to you in a plastic cup. (This wasn’t me, I just witnessed it. Seriously.)
· There’s a ubiquitous Michigan bumper sticker I never see in New York: “Buy American. Save Our Jobs.”
· People from my graduating high-school class are divorced or finished having kids before I’ve even contemplated getting hitched.
· The Judds’ “Love Can Build a Bridge” will remain stuck in your head for the rest of your life if you hear it during a wedding ceremony and again at the reception.
· Dunkin’ Donuts serves as a welcome beacon of all things civilized and East Coast when you see one after days languishing in the nether regions of the country.
· The actual moment of going from single with one last name to married with another happens in just that—a moment. Weird.
· There are Chicken Dance weddings and non-Chicken Dance weddings.· Big Boy restaurants still exist.
· There are still people who use ‘gay’ as a hilarious pejorative. As in: “You drink wine instead of beer? What are you, gay?”
· Never take a 6 a.m. flight.
· People outside New York City wear running shoes all the time. And sweatshirts with the names of colleges or sports teams on them. And grown men wear baseball caps in restaurants.
· New Yorkers outside of New York always look overdressed. Which is fine with me.
· Michigan is flat as a pancake and no one puts fences around their yards.· It’s possible to pay $9 for one beer at an airport bar.
· Having cable television in a hotel is only exciting for five minutes. Then you realize you have no interest in cheesy Sci-Fi Channel movies or a reality show about Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends.
· People in the Midwest are really into hockey.
· Always bring a flask to a wedding.
· If you are the only single person amid a crowd of married wedding guests, pretend to be married so you can participate in the maddeningly recurring conversation of how this wedding compares to theirs.
· If you order a Grey Goose martini at a Detroit airport bar, they will give it to you in a plastic cup. (This wasn’t me, I just witnessed it. Seriously.)· There’s a ubiquitous Michigan bumper sticker I never see in New York: “Buy American. Save Our Jobs.”
· People from my graduating high-school class are divorced or finished having kids before I’ve even contemplated getting hitched.
· The Judds’ “Love Can Build a Bridge” will remain stuck in your head for the rest of your life if you hear it during a wedding ceremony and again at the reception.
· Dunkin’ Donuts serves as a welcome beacon of all things civilized and East Coast when you see one after days languishing in the nether regions of the country.
· The actual moment of going from single with one last name to married with another happens in just that—a moment. Weird.
8 comments:
It appears that Old Sourpuss's (i.e. Laura's) stance on weddings has been supported. Refer to my comment in "I used to be a California Girl" post.
Weddings suck. And, I am continually surpised by how many women of my generation change their last names when they get married.
I told ya'll hockey was a big deal! And as I mentioned before, Michigan, like any other state, has it's godawful cities and you, unfortunately, got to stay in one for longer than any sane person should.
Okay, first off, Carolyn, what on earth kind of wedding did you go to? Good lord, chicken dances and flasks???
I'm still laughing over two of your musings:
· Never take a 6 a.m. flight.
What's that? I didn't... quite... catch...zzzzzzz. I don't remember the last 2 or 3 flights I've taken, because I have to get up at such a godforsaken hour to head to the airport in Newark!
· People outside New York City wear running shoes all the time. And sweatshirts with the names of colleges or sports teams on them.
Um, yeah, remind me never to let you peek in my closet! :)
Your cartoon of the auto mechanic with the state of Mighican for a head is really creeping me out. Part of it is because those two pieces of Michigan are actually connected by a bridge, the Mackinac Bridge, which spans the water between Lake Michigan and Lake Huron. So if you take the land mass and make an auto mechanic's head out of it, what's connecting the two pieces? Is there a staple in his head that's supporting the upper part of his skull? And if so, how can it be cantilevered like that? Doesn't the weight of the upper part make his skull want to crack in half at the staple? I'm never buying auto parts again.
Plus if his face is in Michigan, then his wrench is in Wisconsin, his legs are in Indiana, and his tire is in Ohio.
Is it just "Big Boy?" I thought it what's "Bob's Big Boy?" What happened to Bob?
That's what we said. But yes, there is no more Bob. I'll prove it with a photo tomorrow when I remember to bring in my connector cord.
As usual Brian, your musings are off the wall and most enjoyable to read.
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