City rain makes me curmudgeonly

In the country, I loved a good rainstorm. I delighted in walking in the rain along rural roads, fascinated by the new-formed rivulets, rivers, and cataracts on the hillsides. It was satisfying to see the ditches I’d helped my mom dig working to keep the water off our gravel road, and to see the oak trees and grasses turn a slick green.

In the city, I find the rain to be miserable.

You see the resignation on everyone’s faces that this is going to be a difficult day. You learn the hard way to stand back from the curb or get splashed with gritty, gray-black road water. And you become encumbered with one more item to juggle when getting out your MetroCard for the train: the umbrella.

Which brings me to:

Rules for Using an Umbrella in the City

1. On the sidewalk, be a conscientious and considerate umbrella-wielder. Raise it up to pass if there’s no room. If you’re on a block covered by scaffolding, by all means, put the umbrella away for the duration.

2. Do not hold the umbrella so low that you cannot see where you are going, as this will inevitably lead to me getting poked in the eye.

3. Never, ever use a gigantic golf umbrella. People who think this is acceptable on jam-packed city sidewalks should be beaten with their striped Callaways.

4. For the love of God, do not stop on the stairs coming out of the subway station to open your umbrella. Some of us have places to go and would rather get wet for two seconds going up the stairs than stand here waiting for you to get a move on. Ditto for entering the station. Close your umbrella before you get to the crowded confines of the stairs, so you don’t have to dilly-dally on them.

5. Take notice of where your umbrella is dangling on the subway; I don’t need your sopping wet umbrella squished up against my back at 8:30 in the morning.

6. If you’re my cubemate at work, please cease leaving your umbrella open in front of our desks all day to dry, as I will trip over it again and again.

Maybe I’m just grumpy, but I do feel that if we all work together this rainier-than-usual spring will be much happier for all. Not as enjoyable as a nice Murphys downpour, but what can you do?


Photo by Joseph De Sciose/Jupiter Images