I never even got a "Howdy, pardner."

I was highly disappointed in Houston. I did not see one horse, or ten-gallon hat, or even a mug sporting Jenna Bush’s wedding photo. No thick accents, no barbecue, no Alamo. I guess Texas is a big state or something. Who knew?

Houston, the fourth-largest city in the country, seems to be composed of low-lying office and industrial buildings and tract housing developments. We spent much time driving down the longest stretch of chain strip malls I’ve ever seen in my life. I will forever think of Houston as one big conglomeration of Applebee’s, Borders, Subway, and Restoration Hardware.

And everything is huge! The strip malls were dotted with gigantic restaurants, mostly Mexican food. Do people there really go out for enchiladas with 16 of their closest friends all the time?

I’m willing to believe we didn’t see the most thrilling parts of the city, and I’m sure I’ll be back in Texas someday—perhaps somewhere that does a better job of living up to the stereotypes. Cross your fingers!

Not my photo. Image of downtown Houston from Westheimer Road, the strip mall bonanza.