You thought you knew how to do this. You were wrong.
Lesson #1: Do not attempt to read the New York Times on the subway. I learned this the first summer I lived here, when I tried to get my daily dose of news on the A train from 175th Street. All I succeeded in doing was annoying my neighbors with my incessant page-turning, snapping, and folding. A broadsheet newspaper just takes up too much square footage. If you must read the news, be kind to your AMNY or Metro barker and pick up one of their subway-friendlier publications. Sure, there’s no article longer than 2 inches, but how could you need more than that anyway?
Lesson #2: To read a hardcover or heavy paperback, employ this trick: hold the book with one hand and rest it on the arm that’s holding the pole. There’s no reason to let finger fatigue keep you from reading War and Peace on your commute. (See yesterday’s post.)
Lesson #3: Don’t read certain kinds of books that might embarrass you, i.e. many of the books published by my imprint. People will look to see what you’re reading, and they will judge you. (And by “they” I mean me.) There are no secrets on the NYC MTA.
Lesson #4: Magazines seem like a good choice due to their light weight, but you have to factor in the frequency of page-turning. Every time you turn a page you have to take your hand off the pole, and inevitably this will happen just as the train slows, speeds, or turns, making you stumble moronically into your neighbor. So anything you’re looking at just for the pictures is better left at home (including People, National Geographic, and girlie mags, which you shouldn’t be looking at on the subway in any case—see #3, above).
Lesson #5: Don’t try to write in a notebook. I scribbled this post while on a rush-hour subway, my arm wrapped precariously around a pole, and the resulting illegibility made transcribing it a bitch. Plus, people will unfailingly read over your shoulder what you’re writing, as Brian witnessed some schmoe doing to me recently. And even if not, they will look at you funny. You’re supposed to be reading the Post or staring glassy-eyed into space while listening to your iPod, not writing down thoughts or composing poetry. Who do you think you are?
I know there are some people reading this blog who actually drive to work. (Hi, California and Oregon!) And don’t you wish you got to read during those 45 minutes instead of being pissed off at traffic? Of course, you don’t have to suffer the indignity of squishing in with your fellow (smelly) man, so it’s really a draw, I suppose.
And there are always books on tape!
Photos of crowded trains from lauratitian on Flickr. Why is that one guy reading a camera manual?
Lesson #1: Do not attempt to read the New York Times on the subway. I learned this the first summer I lived here, when I tried to get my daily dose of news on the A train from 175th Street. All I succeeded in doing was annoying my neighbors with my incessant page-turning, snapping, and folding. A broadsheet newspaper just takes up too much square footage. If you must read the news, be kind to your AMNY or Metro barker and pick up one of their subway-friendlier publications. Sure, there’s no article longer than 2 inches, but how could you need more than that anyway?
Lesson #2: To read a hardcover or heavy paperback, employ this trick: hold the book with one hand and rest it on the arm that’s holding the pole. There’s no reason to let finger fatigue keep you from reading War and Peace on your commute. (See yesterday’s post.)Lesson #3: Don’t read certain kinds of books that might embarrass you, i.e. many of the books published by my imprint. People will look to see what you’re reading, and they will judge you. (And by “they” I mean me.) There are no secrets on the NYC MTA.
Lesson #4: Magazines seem like a good choice due to their light weight, but you have to factor in the frequency of page-turning. Every time you turn a page you have to take your hand off the pole, and inevitably this will happen just as the train slows, speeds, or turns, making you stumble moronically into your neighbor. So anything you’re looking at just for the pictures is better left at home (including People, National Geographic, and girlie mags, which you shouldn’t be looking at on the subway in any case—see #3, above).
Lesson #5: Don’t try to write in a notebook. I scribbled this post while on a rush-hour subway, my arm wrapped precariously around a pole, and the resulting illegibility made transcribing it a bitch. Plus, people will unfailingly read over your shoulder what you’re writing, as Brian witnessed some schmoe doing to me recently. And even if not, they will look at you funny. You’re supposed to be reading the Post or staring glassy-eyed into space while listening to your iPod, not writing down thoughts or composing poetry. Who do you think you are?I know there are some people reading this blog who actually drive to work. (Hi, California and Oregon!) And don’t you wish you got to read during those 45 minutes instead of being pissed off at traffic? Of course, you don’t have to suffer the indignity of squishing in with your fellow (smelly) man, so it’s really a draw, I suppose.
And there are always books on tape!
Photos of crowded trains from lauratitian on Flickr. Why is that one guy reading a camera manual?
21 comments:
I just got my Sony ereader yesterday, and it's my new favorite toy. Probably means the death of all our careers, but still, the thing is neat.
But if you MUST write on the subway I recommended a broad notebook that opens fully at the spine, so you don't have to hold the covers apart. And a very inky pen, one that really bleeds onto the page, so you don't have to shove a dry old ballpoint against the paper.
Or just send yourself a really long text message.
Carolyn are there any standard punishments for violating the rules? Like are you going to hunt people down and make sure they conform?
Matt, I shake my head at you. But please show me your toy.
They're not "rules," Brian, they are "lessons." Whaddaya think, I'm the MTA reading Nazi? I just think if we all followed some simple guidelines, I wouldn't get poked in the eye by someone's Wall Street Journal.
Matt, until they have robots editing content, they will always need us. (Steve Jobs better not get any idears.)
I don't know. I like reading (or pretending to) submissions on the subway, smirking and raising my eyebrows as I turn each page. Makes me feel important. And if I catch anyone sneaking peaks, I like to give them the old "Aren't you glad I'm not judging YOUR writing?"
Besides, being a snot is fun. I've been practicing all my life for this!
"Or just send yourself a really long text message." Thanks for the laugh Brian. That was hilarious.
Carolyn the third option is living five blocks from work like I do. No commute and no pile of strange people all around you.
I really don't like random people invading my personal space. Subways, no thank you.
There is a proper way to fold a broadsheet. Read here a lament: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9F06E0D61738F935A2575AC0A961958260&sec=&spon=&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
My 11th grade economics teacher was very keen on all of us knowing how to read the nytimes on the subway properly, so we spent half a class once learning how to do this. It's one of the few things I remember from the class.
Do you see barely awake kids reading large textbooks on the 1,2,3,9,a,c,e trains going downtown in the morning? Those are Stuyvesant kids! Ahh, to be young and sleep-deprived...
Also reading in a moving vehicle gives me motion sickness.
Carolyn you should have taken the subway photos yourself.
As for your note at the bottom, I also read camera manuals over and over.
I walk to work with my iPod. That is, when I wake up on time.
Very funny post! "How Not to Get Ahead at Work" was super funny too.
How many times have we all overheard this while out in a bar?
CHAT-UP GIRL: So, you look smart--what's your favorite book?
GUY: Hard to pick just one, but I really love this thing I just read, the user's guide to the Canon EOS-1D. I can't recommend it highly enough. You?
GIRL: Well, I love Three Lives.
GUY: See, I admire Stein, but it's like she's trying too hard. She's a little too proud of her own writing. What's great about the author of EOS-1D is her clean, elegant prose. Plus, there are diagrams, so that's cool.
Brian, all I can say is think about what this means for out-of-print midlist writers.
Steve, I wish I could walk to work. Once, in better weather, I walked home from work. It's a journey of almost 9 miles, and it takes you from the Empire State Building to the Flatiron Building to Union Square to SoHo to Chinatown to City Hall to the Brooklyn Bridge to Park Slope. But then you have to go right to sleep.
Would anyone care to help me write a fictional camera manual? It would be structured the same way, with technical headings and stuff. But the camera itself would be fictional, and the features and instructions would reveal what it's like to be a lonely, mechanically sophisticated machine. Now that's what I call subway reading.
Steven: Why take my own photos when I can steal other peoples'? Mwah ha ha! Just kidding. I would but I'd be afraid of getting the evil eye from everyone on the train. Although, of course, everyone's trying so hard to ignore one another that maybe no one would notice.
And I was just thinking of digging out my camera manual, actually, to read up on how to take good close-ups. I may very well read it on the subway, to the perplexity of my fellow subway riders. :)
For those close-ups remember that the depth of field gets shallow so that is why it is hard to focus like you said. You need to use the aperture priority mode or manual so you can use a smaller aperture to get more in focus. This also means slower shutter speeds which requires higher ISO and/or holding the camera very still.
Also with the point and shoot camera make sure it is in macro mode (the little flower) so the camera knows you are trying to focus on something close.
I overheard a conversation just yesterday between two people next to me, all because one person noticed that the woman beside him was reading a James Patterson novel and he commented, "Ah, Alex Cross--my hero." They got into a 10-minute discussion of Patterson's characters and writing.
As someone working in publishing, such a conversation about books, even due to a nosy person looking at what everyone else is reading, makes me smile. You can't get that with the eReader.
Shawna, not true. You can if you have one of our Limited Edition James Patterson eReader Covers(TM).
Matt, did you just promote James Patterson?
What a shill.
Or if you tattoo the words "I love James Patterson" on your forehead.
I prefer to think of it as promoting my employer rather than Patterson himself.
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